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Making Sense of Life's Messes

Two Words: Margin and Wonder.

lofty thoughts Two Words: Margin and Wonder.

I am a bona fide workaholic. Most of which stems from my inability to sit still, but is intensified by my desire to do more, to be more, to leave behind a mark worthy of having lived for. While that’s all fine and dandy for a good spurt of time, it’s also debilitating.

I often forget to take a lunch break, go to the restroom, or actively participate in a conversation as I should. All because my mind is in a million places at once. And it’s causing me to lose something (aside from my sanity) — bits and pieces of the life happening around me — because I’m not stopping for moments, I’m just working towards monuments.

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If You’re Curious About the Adoption Process.

I choose to believe in the good of people. I know that belief will cause me to face a life filled with smackdowns and letdowns, but it will also reward me with some of the best community life has to offer . . . And I'm watching it do just that. 

When Josh and I first decided to pursue adoption now, we waited and we prayed. We asked for close friends and family to pray with us, and we waited to pick our agency and announce our adoption until we were at peace with the decision to do so. Neither of us took that decision lightly, nor did we anticipate the process to be easy — we'd heard enough stories of friends that endured the rollercoaster and came out the other side tattered but blessed and knowledgeable because of it. 

The day we were to send in our signed contract, a series of events transpired that were no less than the divine intervention of an ever present God. The extent of the details are unnecessary, but I just remember hanging up the phone, and as Josh and I looked at each other speechless all we could come up with was, "Praise God." And without doubts, frustration, anger, or sadness, we moved forward. Why? Because we trusted God in the beginning, we prayed His hands over the process and our child, and we knew that one way or another HIS will would be done, not ours. And if this wasn't the agency, then that was that. We wash our hands and move on.

Our God is good. And His goodness never depends on our circumstance. (I'm such a broken record, I know.) He is Soveriegn. His plan is so much better than I could plan for the two of us (for the three of us, or twenty of us – who knows what will happen). I just know that years ago I learned to let go of the reins and TRUST. And as I've learned throughout this season, and many others I've made it through, God loves to make beauty out of messes . . . We just have to let Him.

And we move forward with excitement! We are thrilled about the opportunity to expand our family — knowing that we are taking our next steps with information under our belts and good friends by our side. There is not a doubt in our minds that we were meant to adopt, and while the process may not be easy, that's okay. Because in the end, it is oh, so worth it.

A good (dear, amazing, loving, sweet, supportive) friend of mine shared this with me. And for those new to adoption, experienced in adoption, or have never heard the word adoption used before, you need to read this. To be knowledgeable and able to offer support to others during their adoptive process. 

Good words from Jen Hatmaker about the blessings and trials of adoption (international, specifically):

Part I: http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/05/14/examining-adoption-ethics-part-one

Part II: http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2013/05/20/examining-adoption-ethics-part-two

Limiting a Limitless God.

mudeyes Limiting a Limitless God.

Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe,
even if you were told. —Habbakuk 1:5

When you hear of an intervention made possible only by a divine God, how do you respond?

Are you in shock? Awe? Do you utter words of disbelief? Are you caught off guard? Left speechless?

Given the nature of our personal business, and our ongoing struggle to create art in various forms, I find myself in shock a lot. With our faith-based clients, we’ve taken on creative projects, asked the Lord to move, and have been surprised when He showed up. From casting the right actors, to the words used to convey story, to the bird that appeared in a bird less park as we considered a story re-write . . . all of it. It happens all the time, in each project we’ve taken on. I’ve just recently taken note of my response.

In sharing one of these happenings today with a friend, I caught myself—the skeptic—mid-story.

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On Giving Up Our Left Arm.

lipshapedheart On Giving Up Our Left Arm.

On Giving Up Our Left Arm (and Other Signs of Discontentment)

Arguably, I am the metaphors greatest fan. I live and breathe them, and light up at the chance to use them. Hey, I’m a word nerd, it’s not that weird. And from the sounds of it, most Westerners are as big of fans as I. But, have we been using them to our demise?

Let me clarify.

Take a moment and count on your fingers (toes, if necessary) how many times you’ve metaphorically offered up a limb or phalange to get/go somewhere/be something you wanted . . . Did you exceed your available twenty? I did.

From that question alone, we can wager one of two things:
1) As Americans, we really aren’t too keen of our available body parts, or
2) We are all too envious a people.

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Life On A Short Leash.

head in clouds Life On A Short Leash.

I reel it in, once again, to a safe and comfortable distance. Last time I let it get too far I found myself in a ball on the floor nauseated from the anxiety as it coursed through me. Since that moment when I took pills to ease the pain, I decided the closer I held it the better. The tighter it was the freer I’d feel. The more I could manage.

What a flawed idea.

Life on a short leash is more a pile of chains than a taste of freedom. The self-tightened cuffs clasping your wrists leave marks that look more like scars than temporary discomfort.

Yet, I do it daily. I painstakingly think through each decision and every possible outcome, planning for each as if I could control the uncontrollable. Sure I’ve been known to leap, but my jump is calculated, and my landing predictable.

And, it’s sickening.

The tighter I grasp my tomorrows the more I suck them of possibility.

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Fear’s Ugly Brother: Comparison.

Comparison Fears Ugly Brother: Comparison.

Comparison is a creativity-squandering monster.

It robs us of our creative giftings, and instills within us an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. We look at the lives around us as a resume filled with talent, while our pen dies trying to write any one of our many 9-to-5’s down on paper.

It leaves us feeling worthless and hopeless.

Comparison should be one of our greatest enemies as it coincides with fear.  The difference is that fear is the thing that keeps you from starting anything, while comparison is what keeps you from completing anything. Both are crippling, and neither is less potent than the other.

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Grace Like Blankets.

cabin Grace Like Blankets.

Buried underneath two pairs of pants, shirts, and three jackets is a girl whose soul is aware—as her eyes have been opened to the reality of grace.

In typical surroundings—a pollution-filled sky within the city—it’s difficult to see grace in its purest form, but in the mountains it is radiant. You are surrounded by it.

I look out the window to ground covered in feet of snow, and my eyes are fully opened, and the smile wrinkles on my face grow in number.

There is such joy in the realization that God can blanket anything. From the smallest form of our sins, to barren trees that have lost their leaves. His beauty is still radiant—even in places where there are bounds of emptiness.

He is there. Grace is still present.

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Ladyboy’s—Lost in False Identities

ladyboy21 Ladyboy’s—Lost in False Identities

I’ll never forget the conversation I had at a coffee shop with a friend as she shook recalling her first encounter with a woman overseas. She sat with me over an hour, sharing how she would not soon forget their initial meeting . . .

“I met a precious soul by the name of Poi. We talked about what all girls talk about, you know, hair and makeup. I asked her if she cut her own hair or if she had it done somewhere in the city. She said she cut it herself, and even described how she gave herself layers around her face. She thought that her hair was too dark and thought she needed to get highlights. I however disagreed and told her what beautiful color her hair already was.

Our conversation then led to me asking about where she lived and about her family. She told me she had a mother, but her father had passed away some time ago. I responded with sympathy and was immediately given a reply that most would not have expected. She said, ‘Oh no I’m not sad. If he had not died, I could not be this . . . ‘ as she pointed to her body.”

These are the “ladyboy’s” (or kathoey’s กะเทย) of the Thai and Cambodian culture.

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2012 Lessons Learned for a Better 2013.

Reflections 2012 Lessons Learned for a Better 2013.

You are a piece of the world around you.

Reflecting back on what the last year had to offer, I am joyful. Not because my year was financially prosperous, or full of monumental life change, but because I found myself on my knees in praise. And I learned how to do that despite the circumstances I found myself in.

2012 wasn’t always sunshine and butterflies, and for that I am grateful! It ended up being one of the most useful and emotionally rewarding years I’ve yet to live.

Here are a few things I’ve learned over the last 365 days.

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Good Deeds Aren’t Glamorous.

wheat Good Deeds Arent Glamorous.

Today, my hands got dirty. The kind of dirty that leaves a mess lodged under your fingernails. The sort of messy that hurts and stains . . . never to be removed.

Good deeds aren’t glamorous.

I don’t crawl under my covers at night with the impression that the rest of the world does the same. I’m familiar with the pangs of loss, homelessness, hunger, and desperation. I’ve seen it, heard it, and held it in my hands.

This morning I met a new kind of need staring me in the face, one I was clueless to address and unable to turn away from.

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